Surprise!

WHAT SETS OTHER WOMEN APART?

I was trying to decide on what to write when my mind became flooded with a list of women who , in one way or the other, have affected my perception about life and how to deal with its complexities.

First on the list is my eldest sister who’s currently battling with Cancer and undergoing series of chemotherapy in Manila. Despite her difficulties, she still maintains a cheerful disposition that is worthy of praise. She used to have long, straight, silky, black hair which had been adored by many. And though she now sports a new do as an unfortunate effect of her medical treatment, I don’t see a woman in despair. Instead, I see a woman of fortitude. One who remains steady under pressure.

Next is my mom’s best friend who hails from Lingayen. Sigrid Datumanong (nee De Guzman) is a woman of grace who despite being the wife of former DOJ and DPWH Secretary Simeon A. Datumanong, has kept her feet firmly planted on the ground. Oh! She is a sight to behold what with her light complexion and her mestiza attributes. Yet, you will never see her brag or put her weight around even when her husband held high-ranking positions. My mom used to tell me that what she particularly noticed about Auntie Sigrid is that she never talks ill of anyone. She always has something nice to tell about someone else. I guess this is something noteworthy for women who engage in gossip all the time. There is a bounty of blessing when we guard our mouths from useless talk.

Mdm. Priscilla Espino in a red gown

They say behind every man’s success is a woman. And I would say Mrs. Priscilla Espino is the wind beneath Gov. Amado T. Espino’s wings. She is an epitome of a woman with a strong resolve. What amazed me was, you can practically broach any topic under the sun and she would have a ready, witty answer to one’s queries. She is indeed a delight to be with. Despite her stature, I was surprised that she could crack a joke that can send everyone to guffaws. Yet, she remains a woman who exudes beauty, grace and elegance.

Then there is Madam Baby Arenas. Back in the late 90s, I have already observed what robust heart she has for the plight of others.  And she is such a wonderful host! Once we went to her farm in Malasique to celebrate New Year and I would say, she hasn’t change a bit. Despite belonging to the high echelons of our society, she would always make a person feel comfortable as if one is really a part of her family. Another beautiful person inside out who is worthy of emulation!

Mrs. Celia Lim

Of course, there is Mrs. Celia A. Lim, lovely wife of Dagupan City Mayor Benjie S. Lim. I have met her once during a Balikabayan Night celebration a few years ago at the City Plaza. But what I really find memorable about Manang Celia is her kindness. During a trip to China in 2005, she selflessly helped my husband find an item for me, a loving gesture which I have cherished till this day.  

There are still other women whom I must say have gained my respect and adoration but are just too numerous to make mention.

Point is, there is always a reason why some women are more victorious than the rest.

If we just pause and accentuate the strengths of those who have prevailed -- whether in the business arena, the academe, political or in any genre-- surely we will find nuggets of wisdom as to how we should live our lives so that we can attain our own triumphs as well.

A thought worthy to ponder, don’t you think?

More Rituals in Life- From a full grown Miss to an outgrown Mrs

Most girls dream of having a grand party when they turn 18.

So when a beautiful lass named Eloah Grace Cabrera had her debut Last March 12 at Dagupan Garden Hotel, her parents-- Ptr. Windsor and the former Thess Dalioan—did not leave any stone unturned down to the minutest detail.

The debutante looked so radiant in her two gowns. She wore a fabulous red ballroom gown just before dinner. Then she changed into a red short formal dress just before she and her court did a mean tango dance number instead of the usual cotillion repertoire.

It was well-attended by well-wishers including those who participated in the program which included the following: 18 candles, 18 roses, 18 wisdom and 18 treasures.

It’s funny though that after the gifts were opened, almost 80% of the presents were bags. We kidded the debutante that she could actually fill up a stall and start a bag business out of what she got that night. Well, the tinday labi of the Bangus Festival is just a month away…

To Eloah,may you enjoy this new milestone in your life as you journey towards adulthood.

*           *           *           *           *

 Some women are able to breeze through the menopausal stage with ease, others don’t.

I know of women who are like purring felines in their early forties but eventually got transformed into a pack of roaring lionesses once they reached the menopausal age.

Some are grouchy, easily irritated by even the slightest misunderstanding. Better not get in their way when they wake up at the wrong side of the bed.

A friend laughs out loud whenever I remind her about how strange her mood swings were during her off days just a year ago.

And then there’s my sister who would call me every now and then complaining of headache, hot  flashes, insomnia and even difficulty of breathing especially at night.

I was told, “Soon, you’ll join our league. Explain to your family members what you might go through so they would understand the changes in your behavior. It is important that you have a good support system because even the person undergoing menopausal stage does not understand why she is behaving in a certain way.”

Okay.

But there are exceptions. My sister-in-law belongs to the fortunate few who were not able to experience the symptoms commonly expressed by a majority of women. Sabi nya, “Hindi naman umiinit ulo ko.” But still, I can recall the many times she failed to attend family gatherings because she was hospitalized due to hypertension—a symptom most often experienced by women just when their monthly period were about to end.

Just imagine if women undergoing such predicament face other stressors like problems on budget, on family relationship, on career or business conflicts, etc.

Hmmm, that is why it’s hard to lose one’s cool nowadays. People might misconstrue that one is having this health issue called Menopause. Well, could it be just that? Just asking.

RITUALS OF LIFE

My youngest daughter’s nursery teacher, Glenda  Escubio of Lucao, Dagupan visited me in our office a few weeks ago. After a few pleasantries, she and her groom Ericson Ramirez broached this question, “Can you be our ninang to our wedding?”

I smiled and immediately said yes. I agreed because it is a Filipino custom that a person should always say yes whenever one gets invited to be a part of a wedding entourage.

Second, I knew the bride so well and it would be an honor to stand as one of the sponsors in her nuptial.

So, on the 19^th day of February, there I was, dressed to the nines and hoping that I wouldn’t stumble on my way to the altar.

Finally, the bride arrived. As she walked down the aisle, we held our breath not only because she looked splendid in her immaculate gown but because we all witnessed how she tried to hold back the tears that eventually cascaded down her face. As if on cue, everyone was moved to tears and I began to hear a symphony of sniffles and whimpers.

I wondered what could be the reason for such emotional trip to the altar. Could it be because the bride’s mother wasn’t present? She passed away last year, I was told. Could it be because Glenda was finally going to marry the man she really loved?  Perhaps, it was a mix of both.

A kumare , Mrs. LourdesTamayo—a teacher from West Central Elementary School in Dagupan City—who was standing beside me commented, “ I feel like crying. I remember my own daughter’s wedding.”

My mind then drifted and traveled back in time.  How many times have I cried as a mother?

I remembered the first time I held my daughter in my arms. Despite the excruciating pain I had to endure during labor, the moment I saw my child and how she snuggled close to me, all the pain I had experienced was instantly obliterated from my memory. Though a tear escaped from my eyes, I couldn’t help but wear a beaming smile as my heart was filled with an incomparable joy.

And then, there were other emotional occasions:  the first time my daughter went up the stage to receive her graduation diploma, the first time she won a poem reading contest, the first time she delivered a speech at the People’s Astrodome during one commencement exercise and yes, even the first time she begged off not to come with us to the mall because she found new friends and they had a different agenda for the day.

What would I feel if my daughters would one day leave us to start a family of their own? Would the separation make me shed crocodile tears?

After attending a wedding ceremony, the following day I found myself at Eternal Gardens attending the burial of Kuya Mel Velasco’s brother, Wilfredo  Velasco of Carael, Dagupan City.

While the casket was being brought down and heaps of soil were being shoveled over it, I began to have goose bumps as members of the family let out a wail while the rest held each other, somber in their white and black attire. I stood there in silence, empathizing with the family and understanding the pain of losing someone special on Valentine’s Day.

While the wedding of a friend elicited tears of joy, the burial of a family friend evoked feelings of lost and sorrow.

While the wedding depicted a new chapter in one’s lifetime, the other held a promise of a journey in another realm.

Such a paradox! But all these scenarios are real. These events form facts of life which we all have to go through.

Then, a realization dawns. Nothing is constant. Everything evolves. Seasons change.

One day we all have to walk down a daughter down the aisle. One day, we all have to bid a special someone goodbye. Our consolation is, we have memories to cherish and the lessons we have learned from our triumphs and pain during these rituals in life are what we can carry to prepare us to the next.

To the new Ramirez couple, I wish you all the best. To the Velasco family, my deepest condolences.

Five-Minute Habit

 

How many times have I set my cell phone’s alarm feature to buzz me up from my deep slumber every early morning?  Many times.

But whenever my cell phone does ring, it’s funny that I always end up pressing the snooze key so I could have another five-minute rest.

I always bargain for more time to sleep before I will finally get up.

 I can see beams of sunlight streaming through the window pane.  I can already feel the morning air caressing my cheeks. But I would always opt to put my cp’s alarm to snooze. Odd.

And have I gained much from the five-minute extension on bed?  I’d say, “Not much.”

Either the five-minute habit was useless because it felt as if time went by too quickly or the “over-stay” was not helpful because truth is, it never really allowed me to get back to sleep even if I wanted to.

Putting off things to a later time is actually a problem not solely limited to me. It has infected a lot of people.

People procrastinate because they think they have plenty of time to spare, they have this strong belief that they can beat the deadline even at crunch time, they don’t know how or where to start or worse --they don’t want to perform the task at all.

Students cram just when they only have a few hours left before exams. Moms scurry to pay bills only when they receive disconnection notices. Employees hurry to submit requirements only when their bosses give them a stern warning. Public officials act only when they’re already caught red-handed with controversies.

I read an article once about the much publicized “pabaon” issue in the Armed Forces of the Philippines. An army spokesperson said that AFP now has made modifications in its system particularly in the finance department to make sure that the old flaws will not happen again. Why only now?

I wonder even. If you browse the internet for Filipino Values you’d be surprised to find out that the “Manana Habit” is in the listing. When did putting off things become a valuable trait?

There’s an old Filipino adage that goes, “Aanhin mo pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo?”

Why does it take us so much time to do the things we can actually carry-out now while we still have an opportunity to achieve something great?

Well okay. I guess there’s a valid reason why we sometimes have to delay completing a task. There are instances when we need to postpone things because we would like to avert possible jeopardy. That is quite understandable. Sana nga lang it will not take us ages before we could decide whether to take the plunge or not.

Otherwise, let’s use our time well. Seize the moment while we still can.

Come to think of it, the extra five minutes we spend lying on bed can be put to better use like a minute of praying, a minute for planning our daily chores, a minute to show affection for our loved ones, another minute to flex our muscles and another minute we can use to convince ourselves that it’s going to be a fruitful day.

And there’s a mantra which I learned from browsing the net which may be of help for people who are in a habit of deferring a task for another time and it goes, “Do it. Do it Right.  Do it Right Now.”

So whenever the five-minute dozing habit becomes hard to shake off in the morning, try the mantra. Better yet, remember that the five minute additional sleep is like losing a five-minute opportunity to make things happen.

Family’s Shared Responsibility

I get all sorts of reaction whenever people learn that I am the youngest in our family.

“I bet Ana that you being the “bunso” in the family allows you to get whatever you want!”

Okay, there may be some nuggets of truth into that! As the youngest in a brood of eight, I do get to enjoy some perks from time to time.

During my younger years, I would often receive a bagful of goodies from my older siblings whenever they would come home from school. I can also remember how my sisters' suitors would shower me with gifts or how my brothers' past girlfriends would dote on me like I was the prettiest eight-year-old kid in town--even if I obviously was not. Haha!

Sure, being the baby in the family has its own pluses. But this I can tell you. It's not all bed of roses for us who belong to the bottom of the family hierarchy.

Picture this. We lived in a two-storey house in Mindanao. My sister who is ten years older than I am would ask me to go upstairs to get her bag. As I reached the top of the stairs, I would encounter my eldest brother who then would ask  me to get him a glass of water. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, another sister would send me to do another errand for her in their room. Just imagine how many times I would have to navigate the stairs in a day if I have four other siblings just waiting to blurt out their whims? Whew!

But then again, if you ask me if I ever regretted being the bunso in the family? My answer is certainly a resounding NO.

I know that even if I was bombarded with requests from my older siblings, I am  well aware that my older siblings  have  responsibilities too which were far more difficult than mine.

On my eldest brother's shoulder was the burden that if my father goes away, he has to take the role as the scion of the family. My older sisters need to take care of the younger ones, like making sure that me and my youngest brod would wash our hands before eating. Good grief! I must have been a pain in the ass when I made them run after me around the house whenever I refused to take a bath.

Kung mahirap maging youngest, mahirap din maging eldest child!

What is important is that each member understands that he has a role to play and that every role must be performed well.

After all, the success of the family is but a shared responsibility.

If one refuses to do his role, the family will never reach its goals, its dreams. Everything will be lost.

Truthfully, I really didn’t mind if I had to climb the stairs repeatedly in a day while accomplishing my tasks at home. I guess, if one loves his family, you don’t create parameters. Actions are done spontaneously and willingly.

That is, if one really loves his family.

No wonder we hear of siblings who are currently immersed in debates because nobody wants to heed. Everyone wants to lead. Too bad there are people who refuse to acknowledge birthrights.

As a show of defiance, there are those who are willing to trade honor by blatantly neglecting duties in the guise of protecting their younger siblings.

I say, whether we are the first child, the middle child or the youngest child, we must embrace and put to good use whatever position in the family or even to a larger extent, our roles in the society which God has entrusted on us.

Our position is a gift and a privilege actually. We must use it wisely because it is the epitome of how much we can love.                                                                                  

Happy Love month!